Last night one of our puppy's was run over by a car and died. Last night was one of the worst night's I've had in a long time. My puppy, Butch, turned 4 months old yesterday. Little did we know that this would be his last day with us. Instead of playing with him and spending time with him yesterday, I was out all day. I will always feel guilty about this, as if I had of known, things would have been different. My partner keeps trying to tell me that he was too good for this world, and maybe he is right, but it still doesn't stop me from feeling like my heart is breaking, and my eyes filling up with tears every 10 minutes. To make the matter worse, Butch was run over by my partner's dad. He feels horrible about it you can tell, it's written all over his face everytime I see him look at me. I keep telling him that it wasn't his fault, it was an accident, but I don't think it is making the situation any better. Our other puppy, Polar (Butch's sister), who has never been seperated from him since they were born, was not her usual self last night. She seen this happen and went and layed down in the driveway next to him after it happened. She still has a little bit of his blood on her fur. Last night I was so worried about her and if she was ok, she has been by Butch's side 24-7 for their entire lives. We had her in our bed for a little bit last night, and she sounded like she was crying. Her best friend, her brother, is now gone. I can relate to how she might be feeling, I've been there myself.
I've even resorted to taking the day off work, I'm not quiet ready to walk out the front door yet and not have him there. At the moment I am not ok, but I will be. As they say time heals all wounds. I think the worst part about all of this, was having to tell Master Bumblebee. He cried for about 1 hour, saying that Butch was the most awesome dog in the whole world and he wants him to come back alive. This was terrible to have to hear. Then my partner came back in after having to bury our little pup, only to be asked by Master Bumblebee if Butch was cold up in the sky. I told him that when you die you go to puppy heaven, which is up in the sky where Uncle Michael lives. He asked what it was like up there, and I explained to him it's the best place in the world. I hope it is, because he deserves nothing less then that. He was a great dog, and I will never ever be able to replace him, I wouldn't even try. One in a million, taken from us as God only takes the best. How true that saying is.
I may take me a day or two, it may take me a week or two, maybe even months, but I will be able to forget how sad I am, and remember all the fun times we had. Until then I will continue to pretend I'm ok, where truth in the matter is, on the inside I am falling apart.
sunbaking in the sandpit
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